literally had 100 drinks last night.
In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
Randomize
