it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
we're so committed to being not committed
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize
