he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
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