haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
Randomize
