As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Randomize
