Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
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