Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Randomize