the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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