dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
operation harelip BJ is a go
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
Randomize
