I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
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