Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
