I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
Randomize
