so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Randomize
