I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
