Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
