We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
