So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
Randomize
