More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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