So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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