The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
i now understand why vodka
My vagina just clenched in fear
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