haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
Randomize
