Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
Randomize
