Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
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