Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
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