Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
grandma shit on top of the toilet
Duck Duck Cougar?
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
Randomize
