he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
