i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
