it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
Randomize
