yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Randomize
