We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
Randomize
