He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
Randomize
