"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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