I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
