he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
This is the prime rib incident all over again
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
Randomize
