well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
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