ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
I'm at about main and main street
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
Randomize
