I smell stomach acid.
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Randomize
