One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
Randomize
