And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
Randomize
