"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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