everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
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