apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
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