I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
Randomize
