I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
