I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
