Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
Randomize
