Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Randomize
