She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
Randomize
