Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
