Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Randomize
