I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Randomize
