my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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