Yo dont text me then not text me
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
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