glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
