If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
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