i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
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