Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize