you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
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