You made me cry and you don't even care
Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
