I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
Randomize
