how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
