The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
