covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
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