she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
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