shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
then he tried to convert me to islam
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
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